MATTER OVER MORALS

it seems that in the sugar world, the SDs that are most willing to be generous and stick to the NSA part that goes along with an arrangement seems to be... the married ones. yes, yes -once in a blue moon the guy who's young, attractive, and affluent will come along.. but honestly lets be real -the married guys is where the real sugar is at. theyre the ones who are the most willing to throw $$$ at young, pretty women for a chance to win them over and try to figure whats inside a 20-something year olds mind (and her pants haha). the question is though: do u put your morals on the back-burner in order to attain the matter/sugar/$$$/gifts/luxuries these wedded guys are willing to hash out? i just feel like i might be setting myself up for bad karma and paranoia with my own husband when i finally say "I do." is anyone on the same boat as me with this?
at this point i am in a conflicting situation. let me introduce MrLawyer (briefly, for the fact i have been mentioning men and then they never seem to come up again in any other posts bc well.. we just lose touch and i realize theyre not what i want from a SD. i.e. MrAll-Star).

MrLawyer and i met at a nice restaurant in the hotel he was staying at. he had contacted me before on the site and at our meet reminded me that i had initially blocked him after we exchanged a few e-mails (oopsy hehe). but had created another profile recently and decided to contact me 1 more time since he was coming into my city for business. i had an amazing salad, and then a salmon pasta dish that i took home for dinner that night *side note: i like to order a large, meatless salad to fill me up during an initial meet bc usually my nerves supress my appetitite anyways. but i order a lovely entree too. so by the time ithe entree comes i am always full already from my salad so i get to take the entree to-go and always end up with lunch AND dinner from one meet. maybe a bit tacky? oh well* so towards the end of our meals he tells me to reach my hand under the table to grad something from him. as i clasp my long fingers around what he is holding i feel a HUGE wad of cold, hard, cash. SWEET! he points out how i blushed when taking it bc i mean, it is a bit embrarrassing being handed money sometimes...but i'll just have to get over that :) we finally part and agree we enjoyed ourselves and he'll get in touch with me. i hurry off to the restroom to count the moolah and pull out lots and lots of $20's and altogether count $400. not too shabby for a first meet.

so ive come to the conclusion that the married men are the most generous (as of now i feel). TheRussian and MrLawyer both were married and both gave me money on our first meet. though TheRussian was a flake and pretty much played me (live n' learn) but im hoping i will be able to establish something more long-term with MrLawyer. we've been emailing to find a date when we are both free to meet again... he lives out of state so we'd have to fly... so until then i will update.and in the mean time i guess i will have to set aside my feelings of guilt for mingling around with a taken man and learn from them maybe what they are not getting from their wives that makes them turn to this lifestyle... so i dont do the same with my husband... if i ever even want to get married after living this SB secret lifestyle : /

ps- LatinLover and i are meeting saturday.. he has been the SD that i seem to have been having steady meets with and is becoming more of a friend-type of thing rather than a SD. kind of annoying but who doesnt need 1 more friend who sometimes takes her shopping and to shows and to dinner? lol

x3

THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD

my first shopping trip went quite well with LatinLover. i got 2 pairs of shoes from aldo and over $100 worth of MAC make-up :) i got sooo freaking high tho before bc like ive mentioned before -he yaps my fucking ear off sometimes with all his crazy stories and antics and baggage -and plus i was kinda nervous since i was losing my SD shopping virginity lol. so i figured being stoned would help hehe... i felt kinda guilty but whatever i got my shoes and he got his sex so it was a win-win situation. i basically told him before we got started that i wanted to establish what i wanted... i told him some makeup from MAC and like 3 pairs of shoes (2 pairs of heels and some gladiator/strappy flats). we spent like over 2 hours trying to find flats with no success because my foot is so damn narrow so all the cute shoes were too wide. no worries tho -next time? we met up for lunch yesterday and had some amazinggg sushi -have yall ever had fatty tuna? it sounds gross but its like the best cut of the tuna and it was muy delicioso! he was talking about how so many people are unappreciative these days and how he does stuff for so many people without aksing for ne thing in return and i was like "umm i hope u are not indirectly referring to me.." and he said no and afterwards texted me reassuring he was in no way insinuating towards me and that i had shown my appreciation above and beyond. and sexually.. lol phew!

i also met that pot from SA i mentioned 2 posts ago. i am going to call him MrAll-Star... he used to play baseball in college and taught little league and just seems like he was an all-american type of guy in college.  we met at a sushi place... i liked that he just ordered whatever without caring about amount or price or anything.. we tried jellyfish -it was interesting to say the least...  the service sucked though but i made sure i didnt act like a whiney brat and bitch about it. when i went to the bathroom he texted me saying that i was hot and "where does he sign my contract?" to basically be in an arrangement with me.. i didnt see it til we said goodbye tho thankfully bc it would have felt awakward for me i think if i had seen it before we said our farewells lol. not much has happened since tho -its been over a week since our meet and we have kept in touch vaguely through text. he said he was willing to do a $500/week allowance -even if we didnt see eachother every week -the thing is tho we havent even seen eachother since our 1st meet so its been hard to really establish ne thing. i texted him today asking if he wanted to meet again this weekend and he said he texted me inviting me to a baseball game in our city and didnt hear back from me so had already made other plans... WELL thats bc i didnt get the freaking text. so i was like "if i dont respond back its bc i didnt get the text bc i will always text back". i was about to be like maybe we an arrangement between us is not going to work bc of our conflicting plans/schedules.. but i dont want to be hasty so im just gunna keep chugging along and hopefully will get some money to fill my sugar freight cars along this rocky SB track -blah x3

FOR LOVE? OR MONEY?

*sigh* these past few hours ive been thinking... and sometimes this can be a bad thing. that is why i like to be busy,busy,busy all the damn time... so i do not think and overanalyze things in my life. dont u hate when u cant fall asleep at night and lay there looking up at the ceiling thinking "what the hell am i doing? who the hell am i?" well i know i do sometimes at least... its nothing major like i need to be going to therapy or an asylum -just thoughts that normal human begins sometimes have i assume. right now im trying to figure out if -come summer time- i want to go back to the city my university is located in or stay in my hometown. the reason this is such a contemplative decision is the fact that the main reason i would want to go back to my university's city is so i can continue my relationship with my ex/"open relationship" bf who will be there as well taking classes. and the main reason i would want to stay within my hometown for the summer is so i can continue my sugar life... i just cannot be in a real bf/gf relationship and do the sugar thing as well. it is too emotionally-wearing and i just have waaaayyy too much of a guilty conscience so i would spill the beans about what i was doing eventually i know. this is when i like to turn to my go-to quote in times like this "whats meant to be... WILL be" and "everything works out in the end". lets hope that these words will remain steadfast. and the 2 questions remain: for love? or for money? x3

PS- i strongly encourage yall to look up this song: "In for the Kill (Skreams Lets Get Ravey Mix)" by La Roux. its quite sexy and perfect for the mood i am in now

LA DI DA

nothing too spectacular happening in my sugar world. MrDoolittle is still in another country, until next week i believe, and has been e-mailing me with pics and updates from his trip and reminding me of his interest in seeing me again when he returns.

i have a meeting with a new pot tomorrow afternoon for lunch. we met on SA and he will actually be the first guy i have met from that site... all my other men have been met through SD4Me... which is still not letting me log in to my account -argh! we talked briefly over the phone and he says he is a self proclaimed flirter over text... um okayyyy. he also said he wants me to be his SB intern and said he would explain what he means when we met. if it consists of me looking pretty and getting paid count me in! haha
he is in his early 40's, good-looking (according to his pics), and seems fairly knowledgable with the SD/SB thing. i told him to pick a restaurant to meet at tomorrow bc "i am unfamiliar with [city im currently living in] still". haha love using that line, takes the pressure off me to pick somewhere we both like -plus if its good food then they get a star in their SD grade book right off the bat ;)

im meeting LatinLover sunday for the 2 S's: shopping&sex of course.. hehe. it will be my first time being taken shopping and im going to try to get a few things ive put off buying with my own cash. im thinking 2-3 pairs of shoes from Aldo, some MAC make-up, and possibly a dress/bikini/lingerie (lingeire being his idea of course). im a bit nervous being i have never been taken shopping in order to get things so another person can purchase them for me, so im curious to see how comfortable i feel with the whole process -and nayways, gotta start somewhere!

i also played around in the CraigsList waters this week. i put up a post basically advertising the concept of someone being my SD and that i was looking for someone who was familiar with the idea or willing to learn. i got a few responses -before it was flagged and promptyly removed (hags) - replied to 2 men and my interest fizzled about 3 e-mails in. plus i was a bit creeped out by receiving e-mails from men who i have NO IDEA what they look like or who they are... im just going to stick with the sites specifically catered to us sugar eaters and givers hehe. until next time - BES0S x3

ROLLERCOASTER KIND OF WORLD

i swear -every time i think im getting the hang of this SB thing i see, do, or hear something that makes me question this whole entire thing. am i lowering my standards too much? am i attracting the wrong guys? do i need to go for older men? this is a trial and error process though and i must keep marching through.

i visited Mr.Mentor over the weekend to attend a black tie event. as i had mentioned before he owes me  a shopping trip but we never got around to it for the fact we were pressed for time (i flew in sat morning and left sun night) and were quite hungover from the event thanks to the open bar. this 2nd meeting was much more comfortable for me and he is more like a friend than a SD which i am beginning to wonder is more of a bad or good thing? bad for the fact i feel less comfortable asking for $$ for fear of appearing rude -good for the fact i am one of his top choices to bring to events, trips, etc bc of the ease in which we get along. he bought me a formal gown and new heels for the even and i left the freaking dress in his car!! ugh so mad about that one. then again though i am planning on visiting again.. this to ACTUALLY get my shopping in and then i will retrieve my new black, backless scrumtious gown.

Mr.Doolittle is out of town for the next 2 & 1/2 weeks which is fine with me for the fact my ex is visiting me soon and it will give me more availability to mingle with any new pots. we have established finally that he will give me $400/$500 per week/visit and though it seems quite transactional being handed money every time i leave our visits.. this is why i am doing what i am doing and he needs to keep this in mind too. we have not had sex yet and i plan on taking it very slow with him and want to be 100% that i will be receiving funds for my time before having to add another notch to my belt.

i also partied with LatinLover this past week -OMG had sooooo much fun at one of the clubs in the city im in. decided to invite him to meet me and the group i was there with just to keep me on his mind since i am still working on a day we both are free so he can take me shoe shopping. i am also planning on cutting off our meets after this soon-to-come shopping trip if he does not start giving me any type of monetary funds for my time and the gas needed to drive to his place. maybe i am a fool for continuing to see him as long as i have without being financially compensated (he has taken me to some good shows though) but i feel like once i get to go shopping it will make up for all of this... plus he is good looking so not too hard having to hang out with him besides.. the fact he fucking yaps my ear off about none other than who? -himself of course. ugh such a turn OFF.

 x3

oh yeah!.. one of my most go-to profiles on one of the SD/SB sites im on has been having technical difficulties so i have not been able to sign-in for over a week now! ugh time is a ticking and i need to find another pot Asap so sent in a complaint and hopefully will be back up and running soon.

ps- literally just got my order from victoria secret delivered to my door thanks to the gift card from Mr.Mentor. oh the sweet taste of sugar is just too yummy to give up lol.