YOUTUBE

-interesting short video about S.A. and some opinions and debate about this lifestyle. i am very happy to see that the majority of comments below the videos on YouTube are actually quite positive/supportive of this lifestyle - cheers to freedom of choice!
(p.s.- that lawyer woman in the part II video is a friggin hag; she's probably one of the CraigsList prudes that monitors our sugar posts and removes them hahaha)

PART I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uepaE-r1c2Q&feature=related
PART II
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzzbpm1rGkI&feature=related


enjoy! x3

SO SAD

*sigh* the day i was hoping would never come happened yesterday. throughout my posts i have always mentioned my "open relationship bf" ("ORB") and have always been back and forth about what i want with him. though this has to deal a lot with my personal life (something i dont like to blog about much) i feel like it directly ties in with my sugar life. this being because i have always had to carefully balance my schedule, life, and... well -lies to keep both my "ORB" and any SDs. unfortunately these two parts of my life collided yesterday.

i left my cell phone at "ORB"s house. in a nut shell, he went through my phone and saw numerous text messages between MrLawyer and me, mainly discussing him depositing money into my account. i ended up meeting "ORB" to get my phone. so awkward.. we were in a public place luckily so there was no yelling or overt emotional reactions but it was like a nightmare coming true having my "ORB" know so much information about a man, MrLawyer, that is a part of my sugar life.. the life i didnt ever want colliding with my real life, especially the part of my real life that has to do with someone i truely love and care about so, so much! ORB told me he actually called MrLawyer too!!.. calling him awful names and basically told him what a fucked up person he is for giving me money to 'have sex with him'. i attempted to alleviate the situation by saying i just get money for going out to dinner with MrLawyer and listening to his problems. a lie - yes. so many lies with this lifestyle! it makes me wonder if its worth it! then you get that huge wad of cash in your hands and its soooo worth it. right? i have too many people i care about in my life and lying to them about this lifestyle is just getting to me i think. and now that my "ORB" knows i feel like i hit rock bottom.
i called MrLawyer after "ORB" and i parted ways (still unsure what is going to happen between us) and apologized for ORB calling him and being so mean. he was very understanding but im still unsure what is going to happen with Lawyer and me too.. though the original plan of replacing him with an UNmarried SD is still in progress.
is it truely possible to have someone you love so very much AND a SD?.. im thinking for me personally -no. just a very, very shitty time right now. ThisTooShallPass. x3

LET YOUR CONSCIENCE BE YOUR GUIDE

i made a very impromptu visit to see MrRocker last week (first SD i ever met from the sites). it was just a casual get-together.. in my mind i knew there would be no sex or anything, considering we're more of friends and not in an arrangement. when we were laying out pool-side we started talking about an interesting topic: SDs of course.. lol. he asked me if i was still involved in being a SB. me being a bit inebriated at this point, i told him basically all about my arrangement with Lawyer and how he's married. welllll, MrRocker was rather shocked i had involved myself with a married man. he went into this long spiel about how he had seen girls like me get involved with those type of men at my age and then he meets them 5+ years later and they despise men now, this being because they saw/see what pigs these men are - they have committed themselves to their wife but fuck younger women behind her back. it kind of hit a soft spot in me when he told me this.. and ever since i have been on the hunt now for MrLawyer MINUS the wifey!
i know i want to truely be able to love a man in the future and be 110% confident he loves me just as much. i'd be the 30-something year old wife and i dont want to have to worry about my husband fucking some 20-something year old when he's away on "business". so the search is in full force now and i already have a great pot! :) no details now about him until its fully established we will meet. he's single though, that i will say, and seems very, very generous!
and on a random note - aother guy i was e-mailing from one of the sites offered to give me money via PayPal to prove that he's "serious/real". okay, well he sends me the money (a little over $300) and POOF! lmao like really? hey i mean im not complaining because i basically got money for nothing but so strange it was that he gives me money then stops e-mailing.. whatever though more $ to add to the sugar pot ;) x3

ps- ladies please dont think i am trying to criticise anyone for being with a married man! they are definitely the better prospects for serious SDs (like i've written in a past post)... i just have a guilt problem i guess and am too firm a believer in karma to do it myself at this time in my life. maybe i'll end up with another married man again one of these days... who ever knows in the world of sugarrr x3